Some people say the story of the gospel – well – it’s the story they are also telling. I tend to believe that you know. I tend to have lived that you know…here’s a story for you.
It all started last Friday, my wife were in the market for a house – for about a month and ½ or so…no luck and the good one’s…well…the good one’s didn’t quite wait for us let’s say. But this Friday was a little better than the one’s before…our agent showed us a home with no offers on it – in our price range – with all the things we were looking for: a finished basement, laminate flooring, a big backyard, air conditioning, a deck, a garage, high efficiency energy wise, etc. We fell in love. We made an offer. This was our dream home.
Usually when you make an offer there is competing offers but our agent managed to get this deal done so fast (in one night) – no one else made an offer and the house was basically, ours. That felt good. It felt better than good – I was on cloud 9. They accepted and gave us one week to meet all conditions (basically financing more or less). We celebrated that night – man we’re we happy! I think I thanked God that night.
The weekend passed and Monday rolled around and that’s when this all changed.
On Monday, our broker tells us we have been denied the financing – but he’s going to re-appeal…we stayed positive…a re-appeal must mean we are going to get approved. We let it sit for the night -some doubt crept in (he gave us a 50/50 chance).
Tuesday – it was lunch – my broker called and broke some very bad news…we were not being approved for the financing without a 5% down-payment (or $12,500 dollars in real terms). He said he would try one more appeal on our behalf with this mortgage approval place – but the chips were going down very quickly – and he begged ‘can you get that money?’.
We were devastated. This was tantamount to heartbreak. We had told everyone we were getting a home and all the joy we had – and that left us on this day. I never felt so depressed – not in such a long time. We are not rich so securing $12,500 is no easy task.
I wondered ‘why God’? I had questions for God that were not being answered – I was losing hope – and fast. But I decided, ‘I’ll cling for a bit God but I don’t get it – I have always been taken care of – and now I am not?’. I felt bad about it all…I felt the truest seeds of doubt…I felt faith being challenged on a scale I didn’t know I was ready for.
I called/e-mailed people for help (and so did the wife) – and no one could help us. We did get our line of credit upped to $20,000 – we weren’t sure if this would help. I went to bed – depressed.
Wednesday, I was at a Career Fair I help run every year and my spirit was lifted – I felt great – people were helped – the committee was all smiles – it was a new lease on life in some ways – I felt renewed.
The news on the ‘home front’ was quite the opposite – now we were denied a 3rd time – and that meant ‘no financing’. However, the broker decided he we would try one more time (with our line of credit included) and even the other mortgage approval place – and he let me know – the reason he avoided them is they were most likely not to help us without 20% down (which was their standard). We said ‘try, we haven’t a thing to lose to anyways’.
We called family, cousins, and friends in a last ditch effort to secure some down payment of some sort – we had the money in our line of credit – but the last mortgage approval place told us ‘we cannot loan against ourselves’ (thus their denial). No one came through again…and that’s a damn lonely place to be.
I figured…’it’s in God’s hands now – it’s not like we didn’t ask in persistency’. We left it at that…ate some chocolates Grandpa gave us (since he had no money to give) – and then went to bed – somewhat content – but sure of failure.
Thursday, the call came in – denied for a 3rd time (so one mortgage approval place was definitely not taking a risk on us). Our broker went back to trying the other place.
I was broken by this time (again) – it hurt you know – that was our dream house and all our plans and stuff – down the drain. I talked to the wife and we both let each other know how we felt…very disappointed and hurt. We decided ‘we lost, let’s move on’. So we made plans to move on (for this Friday) – shopping, shopping, some drinking, shopping, and more shopping (hell, we had the money – mine as well use it).
My faith was broken also – I was like ‘I give up…literally’. Not on God mind you, just on ever asking anything again. People failed us and it really felt like God had abandoned us…left us to the wolves or something. We helped so many in our time – and I never gave up on any of them – but now we ask – no one can help? I had a smoke at lunch and almost laughed at this whole thing…’me, own a home – man was I ever dreaming out of my league’ – I should be just grateful to be alive, I was poor, maybe I am a nomad (I took some pride in that). Screw this…let’s have some fun.
After lunch, the wife calls…’you will not believe this’…’uh huh’…’The most unlikely thing that could have happened – happened’…’we got approved’!
Time stops sometimes – but you knew that already.
A million thoughts raced through me during and after that phone call. I cried and I laughed…I died and resurrected (my wife’s actual name)…I was heartbroken and I felt healed. I was happy – I felt vindicated – I felt…the only correct word is ‘blessed’.
It’s rather funny what a week does and the lesson you learn from it. I love my wife more than I ever have – it was this situation that did it (and things came around full circle for us from when I first met her and helped her out of a jam). I let my guard down and let my emotions hang out – and it broke me – but it also made me a better person for the experience. I also clarified my focus in the process – I love people – not things – people are what matters – I was going to help the world even when this fell through. I realize dreams are meant to be dreamt – hope is not hope unless it is really hoped! You have to live this one out to really see it.
Most of all, relationship with God is more than just a ‘happy moment’…no it sucks sometimes (believe me). I felt like Abe you know, I argued man – I really did. I was mad, sad, happy, and content – I took my faith for granted for a long time. I took a lot of things for granted for a long time. But man was I happy when from nothing – came something. I really appreciated that God (I know I don’t say that much).
It’s funny, all the debating I do on-line is nothing compared to just living these teachings – they just mean so much to me and maybe God saw that. I didn’t cling for no reason…
***Written on the week of May 2 to 9, 2008