There Just Has To Be A God…A Story of Trust

Some people say the story of the gospel – well – it’s the story they are also telling. I tend to believe that you know. I tend to have lived that you know…here’s a story for you. 

It all started last Friday, my wife were in the market for a house – for about a month and ½ or so…no luck and the good one’s…well…the good one’s didn’t quite wait for us let’s say. But this Friday was a little better than the one’s before…our agent showed us a home with no offers on it – in our price range – with all the things we were looking for: a finished basement, laminate flooring, a big backyard, air conditioning, a deck, a garage, high efficiency energy wise, etc. We fell in love. We made an offer. This was our dream home. 

Usually when you make an offer there is competing offers but our agent managed to get this deal done so fast (in one night) – no one else made an offer and the house was basically, ours. That felt good. It felt better than good – I was on cloud 9. They accepted and gave us one week to meet all conditions (basically financing more or less). We celebrated that night – man we’re we happy! I think I thanked God that night.

The weekend passed and Monday rolled around and that’s when this all changed.

On Monday, our broker tells us we have been denied the financing – but he’s going to re-appeal…we stayed positive…a re-appeal must mean we are going to get approved. We let it sit for the night -some doubt crept in (he gave us a 50/50 chance).

Tuesday – it was lunch – my broker called and broke some very bad news…we were not being approved for the financing without a 5% down-payment (or $12,500 dollars in real terms). He said he would try one more appeal on our behalf with this mortgage approval place – but the chips were going down very quickly – and he begged ‘can you get that money?’.

We were devastated. This was tantamount to heartbreak. We had told everyone we were getting a home and all the joy we had – and that left us on this day. I never felt so depressed – not in such a long time. We are not rich so securing $12,500 is no easy task.

I wondered ‘why God’? I had questions for God that were not being answered – I was losing hope – and fast. But I decided, ‘I’ll cling for a bit God but I don’t get it – I have always been taken care of – and now I am not?’. I felt bad about it all…I felt the truest seeds of doubt…I felt faith being challenged on a scale I didn’t know I was ready for.

I called/e-mailed people for help (and so did the wife) – and no one could help us. We did get our line of credit upped to $20,000 – we weren’t sure if this would help. I went to bed – depressed.

Wednesday, I was at a Career Fair I help run every year and my spirit was lifted – I felt great – people were helped – the committee was all smiles – it was a new lease on life in some ways – I felt renewed.

The news on the ‘home front’ was quite the opposite – now we were denied a 3rd time – and that meant ‘no financing’. However, the broker decided he we would try one more time (with our line of credit included) and even the other mortgage approval place – and he let me know – the reason he avoided them is they were most likely not to help us without 20% down (which was their standard). We said ‘try, we haven’t a thing to lose to anyways’.

We called family, cousins, and friends in a last ditch effort to secure some down payment of some sort – we had the money in our line of credit – but the last mortgage approval place told us ‘we cannot loan against ourselves’ (thus their denial). No one came through again…and that’s a damn lonely place to be.

I figured…’it’s in God’s hands now – it’s not like we didn’t ask in persistency’. We left it at that…ate some chocolates Grandpa gave us (since he had no money to give) – and then went to bed – somewhat content – but sure of failure.  

Thursday, the call came in – denied for a 3rd time (so one mortgage approval place was definitely not taking a risk on us). Our broker went back to trying the other place.

I was broken by this time (again) – it hurt you know – that was our dream house and all our plans and stuff – down the drain. I talked to the wife and we both let each other know how we felt…very disappointed and hurt. We decided ‘we lost, let’s move on’. So we made plans to move on (for this Friday) – shopping, shopping, some drinking, shopping, and more shopping (hell, we had the money – mine as well use it).

My faith was broken also – I was like ‘I give up…literally’. Not on God mind you, just on ever asking anything again. People failed us and it really felt like God had abandoned us…left us to the wolves or something. We helped so many in our time – and I never gave up on any of them – but now we ask – no one can help? I had a smoke at lunch and almost laughed at this whole thing…’me, own a home – man was I ever dreaming out of my league’ – I should be just grateful to be alive, I was poor, maybe I am a nomad (I took some pride in that). Screw this…let’s have some fun.

After lunch, the wife calls…’you will not believe this’…’uh huh’…’The most unlikely thing that could have happened – happened’…’we got approved’!

Time stops sometimes – but you knew that already.

A million thoughts raced through me during and after that phone call. I cried and I laughed…I died and resurrected (my wife’s actual name)…I was heartbroken and I felt healed. I was happy – I felt vindicated – I felt…the only correct word is ‘blessed’.

It’s rather funny what a week does and the lesson you learn from it. I love my wife more than I ever have – it was this situation that did it (and things came around full circle for us from when I first met her and helped her out of a jam). I let my guard down and let my emotions hang out – and it broke me – but it also made me a better person for the experience. I also clarified my focus in the process – I love people – not things – people are what matters – I was going to help the world even when this fell through. I realize dreams are meant to be dreamt – hope is not hope unless it is really hoped! You have to live this one out to really see it.

Most of all, relationship with God is more than just a ‘happy moment’…no it sucks sometimes (believe me). I felt like Abe you know, I argued man – I really did. I was mad, sad, happy, and content – I took my faith for granted for a long time. I took a lot of things for granted for a long time. But man was I happy when from nothing – came something. I really appreciated that God (I know I don’t say that much).

It’s funny, all the debating I do on-line is nothing compared to just living these teachings – they just mean so much to me and maybe God saw that. I didn’t cling for no reason…

***Written on the week of  May  2 to 9, 2008

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15 thoughts on “There Just Has To Be A God…A Story of Trust

  1. i don’t think God has anything to do with the current real estate market… he was in construction, not real estate (haha, that joke kills in seminary ;-))

    another seminarian is trying to get a loan to buy a house in tenn. so she can attend school and get her PHD in Hebrew literature. she’s all set on the school end, but keeps getting jerked around by the underwriters and what not. this is the banks reacting to their spendthrift ways.. right around 96 to 2007.. where they just gave loans and mortages out to everyone and their mom. when someone didn’t pay, that was no biggie, they could just sell the mortage to another joe-schmoe.

    now the proverbial chickens have come home to roost. so banks are in trouble and they are overly cautious in giving out anymore loans… which subsquently worsens their problems. so don’t feel so bad.. economics are crazy right now. but great realization of your love of God and wife. usually ppl split when something like this goes down.. but those lucky few who know how to run a relationship, things like this actually strengthen it.

    rawk!

  2. oh..and if you need a condo, we still have ours in the DC area 😉

    you can’t get one and we can’t get rid of ours.. geez oh pete!

  3. JB

    Hey man, you actually put a smile on my face with that story. Good on you and your wife. Life definately doesnt always go are way, but isnt is nice when it does. Congrats.

    I still love this quote.

    “In life pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

  4. Thanks guys – I worte this in early May when we were trying to buy the house we now live in – and I can tell ya – i love this freakin place! I think the emotional roller-coaster was worth it – it brought my life to a more complete place for some reason.

    “In life pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

    I couldn’t agree more…i was pained but I was not suffering. I know people that suffer because they want to – and they enjoy the company of the pain ‘misery loves company’.

  5. I don’t think God is in the business of giving us the things we want, but I won’t say God had nothing to do with it either because you know that just isn’t something I would say, not building a false image of God and all that.

    I do think, however, in the long run good tends to go to the good. Whether it’s a karma thing, whether it’s that other people are attracted to good people and try harder to help them out, whether it’s because good people don’t give up easily, who knows?

    Whatever the case, a good wrestling session with God about life, our desires, our pain, the good, bad, and everything in between is a wonderful thing. I always feel best after a down and dirty wrestling session. What I take away from those sessions is truly mine, even if at times it’s just a limp. For sure I don’t want any ‘intercessor’, I don’t want to hear that trite phrase of ‘let go and let God’. (Notice in Torah it’s not Jacob who let’s go!) God and I do just fine on our own and it seems to me, you and God did just fine as well! Mazel Tov on both the wrestling and on the house. Hope my gift from another God wrestler arrives on your doorstep soon. Life is good.

  6. Man, God must like you way more than he likes me! There’s been zillions of things I wanted that he didn’t give me. Top of my list is that new Porsche!

    I’m glad you got your house. But I have to ask, what if God didn’t want you to have that house? Maybe that’s what he was trying to tell you through the whole ordeal. Maybe he kept throwing roadblocks in your way because he wanted you to hold off for something else he had in mind?

    I hate to be a downer/doubter, but I think what you went through was simply “life on earth”. God built this place to be a certain way, and it was just doing what he made it to do.

  7. Hi Yael, I have to go pick the book up at the local parcel location near my house – I plan on doing that Fridat morning. I think this is going to be a good 3 week vacation – and that book is going to be fun to read.

  8. “I’m glad you got your house. But I have to ask, what if God didn’t want you to have that house? Maybe that’s what he was trying to tell you through the whole ordeal. Maybe he kept throwing roadblocks in your way because he wanted you to hold off for something else he had in mind?” (Bruced)

    That thought crossed my mind a lot – and inevitably – i was going to find contentment in either situation – with or without the house. I just think it happened because this was something I was working towards (believing I could do it) – and I was right about it – it was something I could do.

    In some senses, this was a mater of faith working into reality. I am not saying it was ‘my faith that made this happen’ but it was a process of some sort. It was like the idea of living prayer – a term I use from time to time. I knew years back that my ideal life was to own a home (no one else I knew owned one as a kid – nor in my family) – and I felt that was the responsible step I wanted to take someday. It was a dream I never let go of – from the times I struggled on a very base existence as a young 20 year old – to the time I left church in my mid 20’s. It just goes to show if we really want something and do not let go of our dreams – they are possible.

    Albeit, a house is no big thing to most people – to me it was reaching a very huge goal I did not think was possible. Now that it is reached – I need new goals and new things to look forward to…and I am in the process of thinking that stuff through. I am kicking around ideas of writing a book (based on all this theological stuff), getting a Master’s in something, or raising children. I am only 33 – there is a lot more to living then I am doing at this point – I can guarantee that. The house was a goal in a line of goals.

    For me, it’s being thankful that the faith I have learned help me to get to the point where I am at in life – and I’d be foolish to think otherwise. I think that’s what I leanred in all of this – faith is not some meaningless meandering piece of me – it’s an essential piece of who and what I am becoming. I guess that’s the kind of thanks I wanted to give God in the process – that I am thankful for having this opportunity to learn the teachings…and enact them in some way, shape, or form.

  9. Jason….

    Youre are an inspiring Man. I am sure “The boy in you would love the man that you have become”……………keep up the good writing.

    Your online friend
    John T.

  10. What an amazing story. Perspective helps us see, but we have to go through the stuff of life first. Thanks for sharing.

  11. “Youre are an inspiring Man. I am sure “The boy in you would love the man that you have become”……………keep up the good writing” (John)

    Thanks Johnny, that means a lot to me…since I think it’s amateur hour when I start my writing.

    “Um, actually it’s books” (Yael)

    Books, you don’t say…now that makes the pick-up of the books even more fun!

  12. And speaking of writing books, which you should do someday instead of blogging, someone wanted to publish my story last year but I said no. With all that has happened recently with the kids and me, I’m finally ready to take this step of letting our story become public. I have been cranking out the pages now that I’m not writing blog posts. One chapter is even on you, Jason. I’ll send that chapter your way when it’s finished so I can get your input and edits.

    So, out of curiosity, what do you think you’ll write about? Do you have a time frame in mind for when you want to get published? Any publishers in mind? OK. So, I’m nosy….

  13. “So, out of curiosity, what do you think you’ll write about? Do you have a time frame in mind for when you want to get published? Any publishers in mind? OK. So, I’m nosy….” (Yael)

    I sent you an e-mail on what has been running through my head as far as a book – and it’s really a 21st century idea. My version of rock-band for writers/theologians.

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