On the Turning Away (Pink Floyd)

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we wont understand
Dont accept that whats happening
Is just a case of others suffering
Or youll find that youre joining in
The turning away

Its a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting its shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that were all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
Its not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there’ll be
No more turning away? (Pink Floyd – On the Turning Away)

***Something about this song just rings deep into my soul – namely concerning with I am dealing with (a seperation). I guess this song encapsualtes what is at the heart of my quest in this current relationship mind boggler – do I turn away and support that or stay committed to the vows and the woman I know I love? I don’t want to join in the ‘turning away’ because 8 1/2 years is tough to do that to…but it’s also a case of my suffering…oh the queries of life. Plus I hate sitting and ‘doing nothing’.

PS: Italicized parts spoke to me for some reason

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Making The Day…or Carpe Diem

So I have been going through this seperation for about 2 weeks now – and it’s rough – I ain’t going to lie about that. It’s like seeing the same person you were in love with kind of shut down – and I am not sure what’s worse – my feelings for her or my feelings about the awkwardness we sometimes have.

Anywho, I am taking that one day at a time – and I am not going to rush her decision – although no matter what decision she makes will effect me also. I have decided on a new direction with this semi-relationship (or whatever the hell it is)…not only am I going to wait…not only am I going to continue to be a support to her…not only am I going to love her…I am also going to proactively…

I can’t say it – it would ruin all the fun of the ‘surprise’

The Dealing in The Healing

I had a chance to talk to my mom last night for about 45 mins – and that was like a new start on life.

In case you don’t know – my mom and I have had a very distant relationship that goes back about 20 years or so…and I failed to give more to this relationship as time went by. There were issues of neglect and abandonement there that haunted me for some time – and last night – even though I forgave her years ago – was about time I ‘faced this up’.

I called her and let her know that I needed a ‘mom’ through this time in my life – and I never realized before that I did (I kind of ignored the idea). I cried and let her know that I am her son and I love her – and always will – and this was something I shelved for years (thinking I dealt with it).

I just wanted to repair a relationship that I helped to grow cold over time – and I started that last night – and it felt damn good to do. Thank God I have my emotional connection back!

Acceptance – Hell of a Thing

So today I talked with my wife and we cleared it all up – we are going to live seperately and keep on going on with life as it is – day to day. She wants to move in a new direction with her life and she needs to do this – I can accept that – and I do – and I will also move along with mine.

She wants her freedom, feels chained, wants to make decisions, and become who she is – I am all for that in her life. We may be seperated now but this is something I rushed to judgment on – every day can change every thing. I am sorry about that to her – I forced her hand a bit – and she chose to leave altogether – that was wrong of me.

I also realize that this isn’t ‘the end’ – this is ‘just the way it is’. I will continue to always love her and be a support for her – no matter what decision she decides to make for the next period of time…she may very well need that from me. I accept that this is the way it is – and someday things may change – or they may not – but to call it all so quick without proper time for things to determine their paths is…quick on the draw.

So I will love her to no end – and offer her my support to no limit – as long as this makes her become more whole. Acceptance of this brought peace – for some reason. I know that I love her and that’s a hard thing to forget or turn away from – so I let her know I will not turn away from how I feel (even if she does not have those feelings back). No one really knows what tomorrow holds – but deal with today’s worries for now and let the rest make their direction. I am okay with that…I will live my life in the comfort I can ‘love’.

On The Cusp…

My wife and I have seperated for a period of time…no clue if she will be back – no clue. Never felt so lonely in a house we built together…strange in a way. I lost?

Word to the wise – what the hell does original sin do for me now? But Jesus rescued you ‘dude’ and all will be well again – maybe? But will it save my marriage and give me the advice I need now – how close is a God from 2000 years ago that supposedly dealt with this sin crap – I see nothing. Theory is crap also then. It helps none – it means nothing – who the hell cares where this all came from – what’s the answers to it? Believe. Last thing I will need to hear in tears tonight.

I turned it around – and you know what – the teachings shine on – not some theory. No theory is going to help me focus and re-focus in all of this – none I tell ya. No atonement theory. No sin theory. No cross theory. No Paul theory. Just the teachings breathing as if they were the air around me – remind me to breathe. Those theories do nothing – and I mean nothing for direction in times of need.

Life sucks sometimes – but I have to go through it. But I don’t have to believe a bunch of theory junk with no relevance to how to deal with life at all. I see the foundation I built – and it ain’t in some theory in the clouds. Maybe I lost. David – you psalmist – write something for me tonight.

Wanna Join A Blog Film Club?

My brother Wilf has started an on-line film club and we are looking for more people to come up with suggestions and discuss the movies we watch for that month (or 2 weeks – whatever time period we decide on). It will be done on a blog and be like blogging + watching a movie…then discussion on it.

I like the idea personally – I watch a lot of movies anyways and to discuss them would be fun. If you want to join – here is the site – The Good, the Bad, and the Critic.

Original Sin? Are U Sure?

Wikipedia (Original Sin)

Original sin is, according to a doctrine in Christian theology, humanity’s state of sin resulting from the Fall of Man. While the Old Testament and the New, which frequently speak of the sinfulness of humans, do not contain the terms “original sin” or “ancestral sin”, the doctrine expressed by these terms is claimed to be based on the teaching of Paul the Apostle in Romans 5:12-21 and 1 Corinthians 15:22. Some see the doctrine as implied in Old Testament passages such as Psalm 51:5 and Psalm 58:3. A doctrine of original sin, however, is not found in Jewish theology; original sin is also rejected by the post-Christian Abrahamic religions, Islam and the Bahá’í Faith.”

Lutheran Version (from Wikipedia)

It is also taught among us that since the fall of Adam all men who are born according to the course of nature are conceived and born in sin. That is, all men are full of evil lust and inclinations from their mothers’ wombs and are unable by nature to have true fear of God and true faith in God. Moreover, this inborn sickness and hereditary sin is truly sin and condemns to the eternal wrath of God all those who are not born again through Baptism and the Holy Spirit. Rejected in this connection are the Pelagians and others who deny that original sin is sin, for they hold that natural man is made righteous by his own powers, thus disparaging the sufferings and merit of Christ.”

Recently I have been having a blog face-off on this issue – original sin – and what it means. I personally do not buy into the idea as the Lutherans propose it – I also struggle believing it is true for a variety of reasons:

(a) The term is never used anywhere in the bible – it is a doctrine based on some scriptures in the bible – and it is not accepted by Judaism as a formal tenet of Torah, Writings, and Prophets (so scratch those as actual proof texts).

(b) Paul alludes to this idea – but within him this is not clear cut. He believes in the idea of dealing with one’s sinful nature and becoming a ‘new person’. Even if Paul saw this state as true – he makes no excuses for dealing with it as if it can be dealt with.

(c) The gospels do not have Jesus teaching on the subject – and that’s a fairly big one to overlook if you ask me. However, Jesus does not deny we need to deal with our sin either – he gets specific on what sins to deal with (ex: self righteousness, greed, lust, anger, etc). Jesus seems to be pointing to the fact we can deal with these things and overcome the passions within them.

(d) Kids are a problem. Kids would be born into sin, by no choice of their own, and if they passed on without being ‘saved’ – then they go to hell. Is that really fair? They were by nature sinners and could do nothing about it – this includes the aborted (who would of been made in iniquity anyways). I find that a troubling theological idea – when kids seem so innocent to me.

I have troubles with accepting an idea like this because it is not that great of an idea – it provides an excuse for sin and takes the sole responsibility for our actions off of us – onto Adam. ‘Well I was born this way – my inclinations are towards evil – God knows this’…then we say the prayer and ‘poof’ – sin is forgiven (not gone mind you because we are sinful by nature).

For me the answer is also found in Paul…the supposed proponent of this idea. Paul talks about things like ‘dying to the sinful nature’ and becoming a ‘new person’ – and this is a choice of the person following the teachings. Paul uses some strong metaphors (or allegory) concerning the strength of sin and renewing who we are (he even mentions renewing your mind). The way to deal with sin is to take your actions seriously and change the things you did that hurt other people – become a new person. I am not going to speculate about God’s spirit in this process – since I don’t know how God’s spirit works (even Jesus says its like the wind – blows where it will).

The core of the process is to accept your faults, admit them, then repent and become responsible for your actions and change the way you did things. I see this in the gospels as a way of dealing with your sinful nature – which can mean something like the nature of immorality we have built up in us and become use to – we need to change that decision process and start a ‘new’ one.

What do you think?