I knew I had 4 days to make the decision I have made – to set the path on the correct course of action – to direct my efforts towards love/companionship. I think I am succeeding.
I have to admit – this situation occured partly because I was not a very affectionate person – I have come to see and evaluate many of my short-comings. I ignored her a lot; I was selfish; I did not share my feelings; I was not vulnerable; I lacked passion and romance; I did not share very well is the purest essence of what I mean. I have come to see that I have a lot to work on.
Why did I make the decision I made – to seek this loving relationship? I chalk it up to who she is – based on her actions. In 8.5 years she was really the model wife – perfect in our relationship – she did very little wrong…I couldn’t help but fall in love with her – she loved me and I failed to acknowledge that a lot. I see the latest indiscretion as so out of her character for those many years that it makes sense to be termed a ‘mistake’. We talked about that point a lot – and it makes the most sense – this was very out of her character – but even she got worn out of trying to maintain the love in one person without the other giving his equal share. I was wrong – on a lot of fronts.
We have decided to re-ignite the passion and romance. It took me about 4 hours from when I heard the ‘bad news’ to make the decision – our love outweighs a single mistake. From the moment of decision to now – many good things have occured. I had the chance to share my feelings over the past 4 days and to have those deeper conversations. We have shared some of our doubts and hopes – and weigh them against a more firm commitment from both of us. I bought her flowers (and chocolate) for her birthday – to re-ignite the fact I care – and I am willing to show it. We went for lunch today – spent some time shopping – something I usually just paid no attention to. We are working at what we need to – I see it – she see’s it – and I plan to maintain it.
We got a long ways to go (obviously) but we are making the steps to proceed to a stronger love and committment than prior. I feel confident in our ability to shape this marriage into the unity we always desired – and in some ways I feel a lot closer to her than I have in years. Love is resurrected – but it’s just like starting over in some ways.
“It’s been too long since we took the time
No-one’s to blame, I know time flies so quickly
But when I see you darling
It’s like we both are falling in love again
It’ll be just like starting over, starting over” (John Lennon – Just Like Starting Over)