Sometimes U Can Go Back…

So as the world turns – my wife and I have committed to one another again – and have been together for 2 weeks (sometimes tumultous – sometimes plain awesome! Love – who can figure that one out?).

What I learned in my time in the real ‘wilderness’:

  • Don’t think you cannot go back and change things – you can – and you can return to when your love was first born
  • Admit to your every mistake – so you can do something called repentance and atonement – also so that you can change the behavior in you that plain and simple ‘sucks’
  • Don’t sugarcoat the obvious – say it – and put everything on the table
  • Action is everything – words mean only 50% of what it is you want to truly say/show
  • Emotion is a very healthy thing for a guy to embrace and think through
  • I don’t need to be ‘right’ – just loving
  • Life can escape us as we let the years pass – grab each day and make it mean something
  • 3 gifts we give – faith, love, and hope – the greatest of these is ‘love’ – but without the other 2 love stands no real chance
  • Decision and discipline go hand in hand – and being disciplined is not as hard as we might think
  • Being in shape makes life that much better – must be something about loving one’s self that builds self esteem
  • Don’t lose your goals and dreams – without those you become the other person and under their whims (remember even dreams can be shared)
  • Share everything – do not hold back what he/she may need to know
  • Depression and loneliness really suck – but are great teachers
  • Friends and family are very important

Life’s lessons are learned in dark and light places (thanks for that teaching Yael) – I have seen some dark and I have seen some light…and both have motivated me.

You can go back – to those things you remember about your first love (to that exact time)…the building blocks of a great relationship sometimes lay in those ruins untapped.

Window Shopping Are We?

Comment made on Doug’s ‘Glimmer’ Post

I hear a lot about the book (book being ‘Crazy for God’ – Frank Schaeffer)- and I can also relate to making faith ‘one’s own journey’…which is really at the heart of what ‘faith’ means. We cannot borrow someone else’s faith and think we have found ours – that includes sculpted religion and dogma’s…because how do we know they are legit?

I am all about trying and testing something and seeing what it means and looks like. If someone is spouting off about ideas concerning judgment and its uses – I just need to know what that looks like in the 21st century (my personal elaboration). I cannot take someone just at their word – because that’s not the point of the scriptures at all (to be fancy words). Scripture is ideas we can use and elaborate on – to help define pieces of our lives that need more direction or some filling in the blanks…from ideas like integrity to forgiveness to anger. It’s like counselling in a way if you ask me.

Plus religion now a days seems so awkward to me when I see the 21st century church in all it’s actuality as compared to the simplicity of those teachings – it’s a virtual add on library from church to church. I am like ‘who needs all this stuff added on to an already good idea’…and I am going to keep it simple – love your neighbor as yourself is the paradigm to live by – the rest is window dressing…and I ain’t no window shopper.

Where Do I Begin To Start?

So now my wife and I are back together – she hasn’t moved back in mind you – but we are going to spend a lot of time together to try and repair the damages done – the pains caused – removing the walls we built – and facing up to what we have done.

I have thought about this situation for quite some time – and I was moving on and felt good about my direction – I still missed her quite a bit – but there was nothing I could do to convince her about the best things in her life also included me. I basically ‘gave up’ after a while – but that’s what that little inner urge was asking me to do for quite some time – last week for about 9 days I obeyed it…and it was part of the catalyst of bringing her back.

But I made some mistakes in that process (you can guess what that was) alongside all the ones she did. She left the ‘other guy’ last night and we spent a lot of time together yesterday – trying to know where to ‘begin to start’.

Begin To Start Lyrics (MxPx)

They say to me “Don’t be hangin’ on.
If you won’t go on, Do I want to?”

I’ll pray to see I’ll pray to know
Provide for me won’t let it go.

Life confuses me (life confuses me) can’t find my way
Out of here I think I’d rather stay. (Rather stay)
I think I’d rather stay.

When do I begin to start?
Begin to let you into my heart?

Why so sad when I look at you
‘Cause I’m away. I know I feel it too.

Life confuses me (life confuses me) can’t find my way
Out of here I think I’d rather stay. (Rather stay)
I think I’d rather stay.

When do I begin to start?
Begin to let you into my heart?

They say to me “Don’t be hangin’ on.
If you won’t go on, Do I want to?”

Life confuses me (life confuses me) I can’t find my way
Out of here I think I’d rather stay. (Rather stay)
I think I’d rather stay.

Life confuses me (life confuses me) I can’t find my way
Out of here I think I’d rather stay. (Rather stay)
I think I’d rather stay.

Moving Into a New Life

I have made a firm decision to not look back and to look forward – what was formerly there does not exist anymore and I have to forget it. For some reason, in a moment of clarity, I saw that the future was much brighter than the present – and even though I don’t quite get it yet – someday maybe I will tune into the fact the best is yet to appear.

Not saying I understand what it is I am going through – I just know it’s the way it is.