Where Do I Begin To Start?

So now my wife and I are back together – she hasn’t moved back in mind you – but we are going to spend a lot of time together to try and repair the damages done – the pains caused – removing the walls we built – and facing up to what we have done.

I have thought about this situation for quite some time – and I was moving on and felt good about my direction – I still missed her quite a bit – but there was nothing I could do to convince her about the best things in her life also included me. I basically ‘gave up’ after a while – but that’s what that little inner urge was asking me to do for quite some time – last week for about 9 days I obeyed it…and it was part of the catalyst of bringing her back.

But I made some mistakes in that process (you can guess what that was) alongside all the ones she did. She left the ‘other guy’ last night and we spent a lot of time together yesterday – trying to know where to ‘begin to start’.

Begin To Start Lyrics (MxPx)

They say to me “Don’t be hangin’ on.
If you won’t go on, Do I want to?”

I’ll pray to see I’ll pray to know
Provide for me won’t let it go.

Life confuses me (life confuses me) can’t find my way
Out of here I think I’d rather stay. (Rather stay)
I think I’d rather stay.

When do I begin to start?
Begin to let you into my heart?

Why so sad when I look at you
‘Cause I’m away. I know I feel it too.

Life confuses me (life confuses me) can’t find my way
Out of here I think I’d rather stay. (Rather stay)
I think I’d rather stay.

When do I begin to start?
Begin to let you into my heart?

They say to me “Don’t be hangin’ on.
If you won’t go on, Do I want to?”

Life confuses me (life confuses me) I can’t find my way
Out of here I think I’d rather stay. (Rather stay)
I think I’d rather stay.

Life confuses me (life confuses me) I can’t find my way
Out of here I think I’d rather stay. (Rather stay)
I think I’d rather stay.

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13 thoughts on “Where Do I Begin To Start?

  1. Jason

    My wife suggested a tandem of books,

    For her only
    For him only

    Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn

    They are a pretty simple read, but amazing how sometimes simple things are the most profound. I got a bunch of insights into my 4 wives(see recent post of mine) after reading it. We’re glad you guys are trying.

    John & Denise

  2. keep on keeping on! forgiveness is not amnesty. forgiveness is much harder. prayers for your journey and thanks for sharing what you have on here. it’s good to know where you’re at.

    here if you need, here if you don’t. you RAWK regardless. hope you’re ‘out of Egypt’ and no longer in Da Nile. 😉

  3. Thanks John for the suggestion – its an excellent one – I will try at some time to look into that book. Also thanks for being a support in all of this – albeit through this medium – still counts in my books. I really never wanted to give up – but it was part of the process for some odd reason (death and life it seems are close in this process).

    Thanks for the encouragent Luke – it means a lot – I am weaker than weak some of these days – and its good to know people do ‘get it’ and can offer me pieces of wisdom – thanks! The forgiveness thing is soooo on the money right now – I can forgive but I know it requires some serious work on both of our parts to make things right again.

    I seen her today – basically I know I love this girl with every single inch of my being – and now I am being allowed to show it – man am I ever grateful for that.

  4. That song I put on here – lyrically (and even musically) – encapsulates the moment quite well right now – I know we need to being to start the way back – but it was kinda rough getting there and that’s tough in and of itself – and I am currently at the point in this song ‘when do I begin to start/begin to let you into my heart’…some things were kind of broken ya know…but I know I need to ‘begin to start’ somewhere.

  5. Jason, I am happy for you. My prayers are with you both. I think it is a good idea to delve into something together that works for both of you. Love relationships are difficult the mind can get confused. It often takes some sort of outside advice to keep things going in the right direction.

    God bless you both.

  6. Thanks Ken – for everything – the support – the prayers – everything. I was always gald to hear the advice – I hate talking to myself (lol).

  7. Jason. I think this is great news. You have clean place from which to start with everything out on the table. If it isn’t all on the table, get it there. And then don’t ever hide or cover or hold anything outside of your relationship. As I told you a while back, you gave me the last bit of courage I needed to wipe the slate clean with my wife, and the last month has been such a positive time for us. My aim is to always approach our relationship with integrity and honesty. If I could name a book that has been most helpful to me in the relationship business it would be one called “Every Man’s Marriage” by Mike Yorkey. Hang in there bud.

  8. This is great news, Jason. I know I haven’t commented much or given much advice on this. I don’t think I’m great at that, so I’ll spare you a forced attempt. I am, however, really hoping things work out for you two.

  9. Thanks Doug and Steve – for all the tidbits and info – here, there, and everywhere – means a lot.

    She is deciding to move back in – and she admits it will be rough since she is emotionally all over the place (at times) – but I made a committment to this woman – and as tough as it gets – I love her and I do not want to change that one iota. I am going to live up to some vows pretty quick – good and bad times – health and in sickness….

    And Doug the last few days we have been doing exactly that – putting it all on the table and dealing with it – no bluffs – just raw emotion and convo…it hurts sometimes but is it ever worth it.

  10. Hey Buddy

    You made me remember this song. Enjoy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKseD4J9RxA

    If you would just be sensible…you’d find me indispensable
    I pray deep down to destiny
    that it places you with me….
    whoa…wanting you here…in the sheets
    Wandrin’ around incomplete……
    Waiting so long….To

    Feel it again (feel it again)
    I thought that this heart would never mend
    To feel it again I know this is the living end
    To feel it again (feel it again)
    I thought that this heart would never mend
    To feel it again I know this is the living end

    Another scratched or scribbled note
    to handsome men in overcoat
    Deception right in front of me
    A jealous fantasy…
    whoa…something that sets you apart…
    tightens your grip on my heart…
    Don’t ever let it go….
    ‘Till I

    All that I know (to feel it again)
    is people may come and people may go
    I don’t really care (to feel it again)
    as long as you’re there
    as long as you’re there

  11. Thanks John – unbelievably as I read it I could hear the song – Honeymoon Suite of all things – damn classic rock radio.

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