The Risk of Relationships

Lately, in my family’s personal life, we have been dealing with a drug addict/drunk. Can’t say I enjoy the whole situation – it’s tough (very comedic at times) – but harrassingly tiring.

I always wonder what the real key to situations like that are – and I always go back to exposure of the problem – knowing it is a problem. Want a tough job – try convincing someone they have a problem!

The situation has been going on for the last few years and lately is intensified – to the point – I had to cut the person out of our life (my wife and I had to that is). I looked up what the side effects of the drug were and what was going on – and it all lined up to what the drug was supposed to do (the side effects anyways). I feel like having mercy – I feel like having none. It’s all a game in a way to this person – it’s also beyond crazy to us.

For me, having the person back in your life is a ‘risk’ – should the behavior rise up again. It’s always a constant forgiving and back into the same situation again…which sucks. At some point enuff is enuff! Pulling the plug is sometimes the best you can do.

But that’s the story – of a relationship in my life. I really want to support this person and be there for them (and when the times comes – my wife and I will be there) – but the time isn’t right – this person is seriously trying to alienate themselves and just flat out hurt people. You can only take so much before it’s time to just stop listening.

How much abuse does one take in the helping of another that cannot hear?

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7 thoughts on “The Risk of Relationships

  1. “How much abuse does one take in the helping of another that cannot hear?”

    Not much…lest they take you down with them.

    They have to fall…and fall hard.

    Even then, it may take several hard falls.

    Even then, they may not snap out of it.

    I’m dealing with the same thing right now.

    It ain’t easy. I feel for you.

  2. Makes sense Steve – thanks for the empathy…

    I always wonder what ‘rock bottom’ is – because I think it differs from person to person. For the person I am dealing with – they just had to spend a night in jail and now have some charges to deal with…maybe this is rock bottom?

    All I know is this person is out of my life – for my wife’s and my sanity. I just think the person doesn’t quite realize what they are doing.

    I do know the answer though – for this person – admission of guilt is always the first step to true healing.

  3. I’m glad you guys are protecting yourselves.

    The last thing you need right now is an ‘anchor’ dragging you to the bottom with them.

    Admission of guilt, and a realization that they have a real problem, and then a sincere desire to change.

    It’s really rough. I have a son who is a drug user and he sees no problem with it.

    He is in and out of jail and prison, all the time.

    What a waste of a life.

  4. I think that you “don’t place pearls before swine.” It is always important to continue to be willing to accept the prodigal and forgive and offer assistance. After all, we have all been the prodigal at some point. But people will not change until what they are doing, the way they are doing it, stops working for them. Your pearls will not change their path. Only arriving at that place where it doesn’t work any longer will change their path.

  5. I’m an old drunk. I haven’t had booze or drugs for 17 years.

    It was a tough trip, given my theological thoughts, but ,ultimately, it was a trip I took by myself. You can help this person, but they must keep themselves sober.

    I have great empathy for you -good luck 🙂

  6. John is right – for some the bottom is also the end.

    Doug, good points also – it is on the person with the problem to change – as kind as we may want to be – it may go for nought.

    Mac, congrats on the sobriety! I agree – most of this is on the person wanting to change and at this point – I am quite unsure of this persons ‘road to recovery’.

    Steve – sorry about your son – but that’s what attaching this much value to these substances can bring forth.

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