A Thinking Man’s Game…

I debate a lot of theology on here and interpretations of scripture – because it’s fun to me more or less. I am beginning to realize I have no valid concerns about the church in general – I sit with the atheist in that place – ‘we’re on our own pal’. I think I would prefer to have a drink with an atheist over a Christian if truth be told.

 The fact is, I will never be accepted to where I once was (within the churches I attended) – I am a social outcast for all intensive purposes. I chose this I would say because I saw no other way. I did not want to leave church…I needed to. The day I left was when I realized my views had outgrown that of the leadership of the church and my changes were not going to match up wth theirs. My direction was changing – the winds were blowing in a new way that day – that was 1999.

Church doesn’t hold the same sway it once did – I was much younger and nieve then – I needed that diection and guidance as a 17 year old (mixed up teen caught between life and death). The church really has nothing new to say to me…’Jesus is the answer’…to a question they also invented and I wouldn’t of even bothered asking. It isn’t community – it fronts as one – but when it comes down to it – it’s not a genuine community…it’s a club of some sort complete with benefits. What passes for spirituality in some of these places is pure mysticism – lacking any real depth yet people swallow it up like valium…remember ‘slain in the spirit’? It’s just not a thinking man’s game.

But I am a thinking man – and my logic within many Christian circles is not really a ‘bonus’ as much as it may be a ‘hindrance’. I get the arguments about ‘raising my logic over God’s’ or ‘His thought are not ours’ or ‘I’d rather be a fool for Christ’. But I ain’t doing that and never was…it’s a projection and I am a screen. What did it say to me? ‘Your thinking is not welcome here – it’s just not helping any…so leave or repent’.  Wonder what Jesus would do if he was asked questions that were tough? Dodge and evade and use the spirit as an excuse for a lack of logic.

But I am a thinking man – I’ll take the blame – God created me though (just turned the atheists off). I am a believing man – I think Jesus may be a messianic contender (just turned Judaism off) but is definitely not God (just turned Christianity off). Last night I wondered as I lay alone – is this it? Is this all there is to life? I get this far just to be cast off and cast out? Where the hell are the people like me…can’t count on sh*t these days. Or better yet ‘puke’.

There is a saying I love ‘like a dog to it’s vomit’. Well, I don’t like vomit…I don’t mind doing it I just don’t want to return to ‘eat mine’.

15 thoughts on “A Thinking Man’s Game…

  1. Yep, yep, yep…. I have similar thoughts. I still attend church… occasionally… but really am running out of reasons. You sum it up pretty well. Outcast is a good word… It would be easier if I could just be an Atheist, but I probably am never going to take that route. Yet it is rough trying to find a circle who are treading a similar spiritual path.

  2. But I am a thinking man – and my logic within many Christian circles is not really a ‘bonus’ (SVS)

    I hear you on that one, brother.

    “I get this far just to be cast off and cast out? Where the hell are the people like me…can’t count on sh*t these days. Or better yet ‘puke’.” (SVS)

    I don’t think you are so alone. It’s just that the people like you probably don’t hang out with the people like you.

  3. Jason,
    I totally understand where your comig from. In fact, I agree with everything you just stated. There’s not much you can do but move forward. You sure can’t go back! Why would you want to anyway?

  4. This post resonates with me a lot. It’s one of the reasons it took my wife and I more than five years to find a church home that was reasonably comfortable for us…and it was one of the more liberal denominations.

    I think the main thing I would disagree with is that if I was going to sit down with a random person for a drink, I’d rather it be with an agnostic than either a Christian or an atheist. Because all other things being equal, I’d figure there was too much chance that a random Christian would be a too-conservative sheeple type…and that an atheist would be too willing to decry me as stupid for holding spiritual/faith beliefs.

  5. Your comment, “I think I would prefer to have a drink with an atheist over a Christian if truth be told” really caught my eye.

    As an unapologetic Christian, I hear you. I can discuss any topic (including religion) in an atmosphere of mutual respect with my good atheist friend. The same is not always true of my Christian friends – some religious topics are just off-limits and can not be rationally discussed. There is a reason Jesus hung out with the sinners and repeatedly condemned the Pharisees.

    That is not to say it is not a good thing to have Christian friends. It’s just that much of the behavior that Christians display is not behavior that Christ condones. That comes from all of us being sinners. I think if you were really exposed to Christians that were truly treating each other with the mutual respect they deserved, you would be drawn to them. Jesus said they would know us by our love we show to one another. Sadly, I don’t generally see much of this displayed, what with all the denominational (and nondenominational) posturing that goes on. But there are notable exceptions out there.

    Sadly, as individual Christians, we often need to rise above our leaders. Kind of like America. But that definitely means going against the tide. Which, again, is what Jesus expected us to experience, I think. Two thousand years ago Jesus instructed his followers to do what the Pharisees told them to do with respect to following the teaching of the law, but not do what the Pharisees did with respect to their heart attitudes. The words are just as true today with respect to what we often see masquerading as true Christianity.

    While it might be appropriate to give up on some “Christians”, that should not drive you to give up on Christ.

  6. Thanks for all the comments and food for thought – much appreciated and gives me a little more to think about it as I continue on this journey of blogging…and for life in general.

    T4T – under the table – I’ll see ya there!

  7. Between your post and Brent, I can say i’m right with you. and i also wanna say it’s about time you and John found me under this table (and dreaming).


  8. Mahatma Gandhi said, “I like their Christ, I just don’t like their Christians.”

    Maybe it’s a matter of luck to find a church with thinking Christians. Down to earth Christians who realize their shortcommings and who don’t pretend to be something that they’re not.

    If that’s how it works, then I lucked out.

  9. This is easily the most important thing you have written on this blog. You have admitted your isolation and that sense of alienation is hard to realize as any kind of believer. I would say, as someone who is admittedly agnostic, does anything truly mean anything in this life? Is there truly a single answer to any of our deep theological questions, probably not (my opinion). Certainly if there are answers then we, as humanity, will never find them but I guess the journey is fun and so we continue to bicker and moan and search – but in vain. In the end we all leave this place in the same fashion but by differing means. Our mere existence is nothing and everything at the same time. I can’t figure it out and I will never know.

    The important thing to understand is this – you are not wrong for feeling the way you feel and being honest about it, no matter what all the brainwashing churches have said to you as a believer. They have said the same to me. They are wrong and they are blind to their own truths but you are free to think and that is the one thing they could never understand or take away.

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