Fear and Love…Marriage

What makes a marriage work? What makes it successful? What are some of the keys to a happy marriage?

I really don’t have all the answers on this question (few do)…I have only been married for going on 6 years (July 17). However, I have been with my wife for 10 years approximately and I have learned a few things from that time. Thought maybe I’d share a few ideas.

  • Love is to be greater than the sum of your fears – if you have not realized this yet – you will someday understand the preserving strength that love is (ie: love does conquer all). I found this out last year when I challenged a few of my fears (ie: flying and heights) to help my wife realize one of her dreams – travel to Greece to visit family.
  • Time together is better than the ghosts of loneliness. I found this out last year when I was having a rough time – and one month alone in a house I shared with my wife showed me the power of sharing time with someone you love. Now my wife and I carpool to work and I am not sure I would ever change times like that.
  • Feelings may not remain in a strong place forever – but that doesn’t mean your marriage needs to suffer. In the beginning of a relationship there is a about a 2 year period where one’s relationship can do no wrong…then it ends and reality kicks in again. However, I have found that doesn’t mean the relationship shouldn’t evolve in something just as good – friendship, laughter, sharing, learning together, having fun, children, etc.
  • Marriage isn’t about the ‘I’ in ‘I Do’. Marriage is more about the verb piece ‘Do’. I find marriage to be quite meaningful when each partner helps one another and learns to build one another up…versus using arguments and names to demean the other person.
  • Sorry…we all need to learn we make mistakes and will get short with one another…if we can learn to say sorry that helps in creating conversation again.
  • We cannot hold the ‘sins’ of one over their head. Mistakes get made in a marriage, big and small, no one comes out of this experience squeaky clean….nor should we. The fact is we learn from our mistakes and they can help us to see things in ourselves our wives have been pointing out for years (lol). The big thing is to learn to forgive and let those mistakes go…we should not actively seek making mistakes mind you…they will inevitably find us. Be of good cheer, mercy does lead to life.
  • All the small things are exactly that, small things. We need to learn to not sweat the small things that irritate us…we need to learn to laugh. For example, my wife always asks me to help her spell words…and sometimes I get a little annoyed. We both realize that when I do that it is time to laugh (I say sorry also) and I am taking something way too serious.

Figured I’d write something on marriage since I have been at the business for about 6 years (in July). I also realize I have a pretty good one.

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7 thoughts on “Fear and Love…Marriage

  1. Congratulations! I liked your insights. My only insight is communication. You can never have enough communication. We share arguments and celebrations. We share small things and big things. We communicate over every medium and every day. We talk a lot! Maybe too much sometimes, but as I told Tina in the beginning of our relationship, you better be a good communicator cause some day we wont be able to have sex and we will have is words 🙂

  2. when talking about pre-marriage counciling, Robert Capon reflected “They talk about weddings and i talk about marriages.” i think you have a good handle dawg. i think i’ll steal this for my pre-marriage counciling. if i even do it!

  3. DPS, i was going to quote Capon too.. freak’n jerk pirate… 😉

    SVS, knowing just the tip of the iceberg of your story i can see how these quotes and tidbits have been bought with blood, pains, sweat, and tears… and with laughter, make-out sessions, romantic dinners, and other fun things. this is the most eloquent and beautiful thing you’ve ever written.. and you’ve had many of those things on this blog and others!

    RAWK!

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