Over the past 4 days I have been doing some serious re-evaluation of my life. I came to realize a few things:
- I have failed in many ways concerning my life
- I don’t like myself & the way I act
- I have been lying to myself for many years
- I hid my emotions away so as to not to be that ‘open’ to the world
In essence, I realized a lot of things about me I didn’t think we’re ‘really me’. I got good at hiding.
About 4 days back I reached a breaking point, I broke down…mentally, physically, and emotionally. I could not continue to live the way I was – I was becoming unhappy and miserable. I wasn’t being realistic or honest anymore.
Then I realized it has to do with a few simple things:
- My fears drove me – my desires did not
- You can’t love someone unless you can love yourself
- I was not allowing myself the right to the happiest parts of my life (ie: I was undeserving of things)
- I doubted my own abilities to the point of self-destruction
- I was emotionally shut-down; built walls to stop people from entering
At a recent seminar someone laid out something so simple it made sense for ‘change’…I will share the basics.
The brain is 70% of the time negative. This means that whatever you think about, including your own image, will be something filled with doubts (ie: self esteem issues). However, you have sub-conscious that does not think about negative or positive – it is not swayed by those things. In order to change, your thoughts have to permeate your sub-conscious in a very concrete and envisioned way (ie: has to be something you can see or imagine).
Change starts because you feed your sub-conscious concrete ideas that can be envisioned – and that part of the brain does not doubt the possibility. So if you set a goal for something you want, make that goal something you can actually envision doing or something that is numeric. Your brain will still doubt your abilities, however your subconscious will remind you it is possible and not let you off the hook.
Once the goal is set, then you need to tackle your fears and take them on. What is stopping you from reaching your goal? Do your fears outweigh your desire? You need to allow yourself to be who you are, the right to be those things you wish and dream about.
Soon, all of you is in sync and moving towards your goal. I would simply say ‘can you think like a child?’
I used the word ‘seems’ because to me it does. I get there is some pretty cool things about church like mentorship, community, value added goals for society, teachings on morality, etc. I like these things but I outgrew a lot of it.
Church is static, unmoving, and they act like this is doing you a favor. It’s not. Leadership is also not very accountable, it calling all the shots and leaves many within the congregation powerless; they are servants to it. The teachings can only go so far, eventually the church starts into ‘repetition’ thus disengaging growth.
For me, most of that is a waste of time – as an adult. I guess if the church were community minded and really adding a lot to the society around it I might re-consider, however, even then I don’t want to be under the leadership of whichever group of people trying to determine my best interests. I have found that doesn’t work very well when others try to determine your life decisions for you.It has a cultish feel at times as well – everyone seems like ‘yes’ men to me.
Church isn’t really there to challenge you (after a while I mean). At some point it will be outgrown because the church does not change, but you do.
“If you ever meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha.”(Buddhism teaching)
Just finished reading some Arnold Eisen wrote about Heschel, a hero of his no doubt. it got me thinking as well, thinking about becoming an adult, becoming responsible, becoming a ‘grown up’.
Truth is, if you ever want to get the best out of yourself then even the thing you love must also be challenged. You cannot be happy with song you just wrote, the story you just made, or your latest poem. Those were good, but if you think it’s the best you can do then your in the wrong field of art.
Mentors are made to be outgrown. The same can be said of parents. Those things you will always love and cherish are the same things at some point you need to challenge to become like them or better.
So when you see the Buddha, don’t kill him, just know that his aim was like yours.
“And the penalty must be paid by someone” (Amy)
Isn’t this kind of scapegoating the concept of justice? Shouldn’t we pay the penalty for our own actions? Isn’t this true responsibility and accountability?
I posted that as a response to the idea all people are sinful and even thinking lustful thoughts needs to be ‘paid for’ by someone – since God is a judge. Well, and I mean this honestly, shouldn’t we pay for our own indiscretions? I don’t make someone pay for my mistakes in this life, why would I make Jesus pay for mine in the next?
Sabio Lantz has a new post titled ‘The burden of the ‘burden of proof’‘ which lays out an idea I likely have thought about but have not laid it out so clearly. Here’s a quote of his from the blog:
“In human markets, an idea wins if it has followers. The number of followers only matters to the seller depending on what the seller values. A small number of buyers, for instance, may offer the seller enough sustenance in terms of status, pleasure, finances or any number of other benefits so that seller to consider themselves a winner.” (Sabio Lantz)
The point being made about ‘human markets’ is what is valued is not always true, it may not even be totally proven, but it has found some value in the human experience we call ‘community’ (ie: societal economies of trading and selling our goods and ideas). So doesn’t that also make it ‘of value’, maybe not ‘true’, but valuable nonetheless as determined by society?
Obviously it would be a grand world if the things of value were altogether ‘proven’ and those which were not were ‘discarded’. That’s just plainly not reality and reveals something about humans, they kinda like their mysteries to life, like they like the future not being known and written by the present.
I liked the idea and is yet another avenue for determining value of an ‘idea’.
Yes. Well I contend this is the case anyways.
I was just looking over a bunch of stats concerning men and women and the stats seem to lead to a generalization that cannot help but be reached by an obvious conclusion – men and women do think differently – as in the way they perceive the world and the focus they put on aspects of their environment.
From the show ‘Most Evil’ (weekly show about sadistic killers) – 97% of sexually sadistic murders happen at the hand of men. Another stat that is pretty close is 72% of porn viewed online is done by men. Men are 10x more likely to commit murder and 9 times as likely to go to jail once in their life.
Women are 3x to 4x as likely to file for divorce; in custody battles women are 82% the primary caregivers.
Now I can find more stats to make a case for the vast differences in ‘thought’ between men and women but isn’t it really really really really really obvious to anyone that bothers to observe?
The thing is, who you are is 100% your physical and emotional make-up – which will in turn change your mind to who you are and your experiences. Fact is, many women have similar experiences and the same goes for men…there is no real other way to explain stats that are skewed 75% to one gender over another. Women tend to think alike and men tend to think alike.
Challenge to prove me wrong: Attend a sports event at your local lounge- like the stanley cup – and do it twice. In the first time around attend with just men. The second time around attend with just women. Same exact event at the same exact place and you can even order the same exact things for both occasions. Are there quantifiable differences?